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James Earl

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Delivered to the UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) Conference in December 2018.

In this paper I argue that the romantic idea of sex as an expression of love, leads, very often, to a sense of confusion, frustration and failure in couples. I explain why this idea doesn’t work, why we nonetheless hang on to it, and propose a slightly different way of thinking about sex in long-term relationships.

I appear in this month's Simply Women & Home magazine (September 2021), as a guest therapist answering questions about "The Sandwich Years':

"If your teens were tough, and your 20s like anawkward episode of Sex and the City, you might have expected midlife to be a breeze. But coping with adult children’s struggles while juggling the needs of elderly parents can test us like never before. Instead of shifting down a gear, we may be faced with our offspring’s failure to launch and parents’ declining health. Award-winning relationship therapist James Earl (above) advises on the toughest sandwich-year scenarios."

Shorter articles on LinkedIn

The Complaint Contract

It is unwise for the therapist to assume that every couple who comes for therapy wants change. It is often the case that a couple want, instead, ...

On Discovering an Affair

Discovering an affair usually rocks more than the foundation and can leave you feeling physically sick, disorientated, completely unsure what you should do.

The Paradox of Marriage

Long-term relationships are built on a paradox - not one we often talk about, or warn our teenagers about, but we should. The paradox, put simply, is that one ...

Puzzlement & a History Lesson

It’s easy to believe that we have, as a society, become quite relaxed about sex. Sex is now an everyday thing in TV dramas, advertising, magazine articles, ...

Sex, Fun & Individual Growth

Long-term relationships should offer each partner two things. The relationship should feel like the best place for individual growth. And it should be fun.

My Partner Wants Sex - I Don't!

This is a common situation in long-term relationships. Whichever side of the equation you are on, it can cause unhappiness ....